Blessings

I feel strangely connected to everything tonight. Maybe it's the Christmas season, the dusting of snow outside, or just an overwhelming feeling of blessedness.

Most of this year, I've felt very separated from most things, friends, family, and God. While all of those are very scary, feeling estranged from my Father is indescribable. I know that sometimes it feels like God isn't there (when of course he is) and this feeling of "absence" is key to spiritual growth, these absences feel like they occur more often than they used to. Tonight I'm thankful that I feel Him with me again.

I guess I feel a lot of pressure, mostly self-imposed, to get my life started. I see others moving forward, finding their purposes, be it mission work, marriage, whatever. I feel like I need to do more, that I need to go all Thoreau and suck the marrow out of life. But before I begin any sort of life journey, I have to get my spirit in the right place, and I'm working on that.

In times like these, I'm always reminded of Samuel and Ruth. Both of them became followers of God seemingly because other people chose that life for them. In Samuel's case, his mother dedicated him to God before he was even born. Ruth sort of married into the "God family," but even after her husband died, she stuck around. Still, following God was a whole-hearted choice for both of them, for Samuel when he heard God's voice in the night, and for Ruth when Boaz blessed her hard work in the fields.

These two figures stand out because they both turned to God when almost everything else had been ruined for them. For the most part, they were walking alone in the world, then BOOM! God was there. God is there, no matter what, all the time. His presence will outlast any other in my life. I tend to forget that, though, then I spin in metaphorical circles looking for my lost path. If only I would look "up," then maybe I'd stop questioning everything.